running in place

pictures?

so, ive been running out of ideas for pictures. i have absolutely no props or backdrops, i dont even have a plain colored large sheet except for my see throughish black one. i want to keep doing pictures so if any of you have any ideas (or sheets to borrow) that would be awesome :) jordan is doing pretty good. just got his 4th and 5th teeth in, hes biting on anything he can get his mouth around. were hangin in there after ike, its pretty hard but i think we can get through this.

our wedding

not sure if i ever put a wedding picture of me and josh in here. here ya go :)

Control Freak

When I was growing up I always heard about how women with children are always uptight about the first and lax about the next however many. I always told myself I wasn’t going to be one of those moms, the ones who control every single aspect of their child’s lives. I didn’t want to be the mom that forbade candy until 12 years old or worried over the color of poop. I didn’t want to try to force my child to be the perfect image I made for him/her. I just realized in the last few days that no matter how much I told myself that, I became that mom anyway and I never even saw it coming. In the past 9 months i've controlled EVERYTHING! Maybe that’s why I have anxiety issues; I try to control a child when children cannot be controlled. I worry about every tooth that’s early or late and any developmental issues that aren’t the same as the “average” baby. What is average anyway, and why do first time moms feel like their babies all have to add up to the preconceived notion of “normal”. What is normal? Why do I freak out over every little thing, and how do we as moms learn to let go and let things happen? Do we feel like if our child isn’t “perfect” that other moms will judge us for it as if we had anything to do with it? Why does it matter what other people think or say, why is everything a competition? These are questions i’ve been asking myself but I still haven’t come up with any answers. Maybe there aren’t any answers; maybe this is what it means to be human. I’m trying to learn to let go. If he decides not to finish a meal “oh well”, if he decides that he doesn’t want to sleep and becomes super cranky baby “oh well” if he decides to sit up and fall back and bonk his head “oh well, its not my fault”. Sometimes I think that I can prevent anything and everything that could, would and might hurt him. In reality I know I can’t but knowing something and doing something are two different things. He needs to learn lessons on his own, but I can’t let go long enough to allow it.

Hello my name is Lisa, I am a control freak. I’ve been control free for less than 1 hour.

almost 9 month photo shoot

the kindness (and rudeness) of strangers

KINDNESS: noun

1. the state or quality of being kind
2. a kind act; favor
3. kind behavior
4. friendly feeling

RUDENESS: noun

1. a manner that is rude and insulting
2. a wild or unrefined state

“Braveness” comes in many colors, shapes, size, and flavors. For someone else being brave might be bungee jumping off a cliff while for me being brave means sucking it up and leaving the house. Every time I venture outside for one thing or the other I have a different experience (usually bad and full of panic and anxiety). Today I put on a brave face and ventured to the supermarket to spend some of the last dollars we have. Due to hurricane Ike and my husband not working for 2 weeks we pulled almost all our funds out of the account so once the bills go through we won’t be totally penniless. So I sucked it up and got to Kroger without a hitch. I grit my teeth and fought my way through the post hurricane crowds and found my way to the checkout lines. While standing there totally minding my own business I get hit from the side by a cart. I look up and this little old lady is standing there staring me down and this was our conversation.

HER: “Excuse me young lady” *in a snotty voice*

ME: *dirty look*

HER: “Excuse me I need by”

*I scoot back so she can pass and she gives me the evil eye*

HER: “I had said excuse me”

ME: “Yah, AFTER you hit me with your cart!”

HER: “OH!? Did I hit you?! Sorry.”

“I DO speak English you know, and i’m not a wetback either”

ME: *dirty look and steps back in line*

WTH?! I could tell she spoke English well and was indeed a little white woman so what was the point in saying that? Also, why the hell was she talking down to ME when I was the one who got hit? If I was any less respectful and knew I wouldn’t feel guilty for hitting an elderly lady I would have knocked her ass out but I have better breeding than that. Now I know I look young, and by some standards I AM considered young but I was taught that you have to give respect in order to get it and she DEFINITELY didn’t give me respect.

Once I went further in line my *very* bad day turned very, very good! My cashier was one of my absolute favorites…i've known her for years. I started talking to her about the money issues and panic attacks and stuff and the lady behind me hands me a card. It’s a business card for a local parenting and resource center. They offer free baby food and other items on a point system if you take parenting classes or whatever. OMG I was so surprised that someone behind me in the supermarket of all places offered to help. Then I go on talking about how I can’t get a hold of my psychiatrist because UTMB is still in disaster recovery mode and is shut down. The same lady behind me told me that she had a close friend who works at UTMB and could have her get in touch with my psych so they can call me! I rarely get kindness from people so it was sooo nice for a change. If only that little old lady from earlier had a little more kindness in her.

Maybe I aught to be brave more often…maybe good things would come of it (then again I could run into more terrible little old ladies)

jordans giggle fest

under construction

bear with me, trying to find something different that i like

EDIT: done :)

pictures during hurricane ike evacuation

this was the first night there

sitting up

sitting with papaw

sitting on back porch

on the way home (see those teeth?)

waving at his shadow :)

Hurricane Ike

so we are evacuating, we are right there next to that inlet just before the texas louisiana coast. i hate to leave everything but since its expected to maybe be a 4 just before it hits us we definitely dont want to be here. i pray that nothing happens to any of our stuff. anyway, be thinking of us. we are leaving tonight so we wont be stuck in the traffic later. have a good weekend everybody :)

beginning of september/ 8 months old

my baby has been sick, can you tell?

reading the paper while pooping lol

new toy and close up

so hes been trying to crawl i think, anyway heres the video.

thank you carrie

wanted to post a picture of my favorite sweater :)