this will be a long one

the last few months have been chaotic to say the least. things have been really good with my new family members, ive really enjoyed my time visiting everyone. weve been trying to keep a positive attitude through all these layoffs. we want to move north but im not sure itll be any time soon. we know josh's job here isnt permanent but the pay is good and i feel like we need to keep this income for as long as we can. hopefully someday soon i can be closer to my family we can at least try to visit more often until then. jordan started walking around by himself the beginning of june and has been non stop ever since. now that he can run he plays hard all day, im glad he is so happy. hes growing up so fast, i dont even remember him being little anymore. thank goodness i took lots of pictures. i wish i had taken more... i had oral surgery on tuesday, they took a complete bony impacted wisdom tooth and 2 molars. my packing fell out on accident this morning and a stitch came out so im hurting a little more than i was. hopefully this wont cause a dry socket or cause it to take longer to heal. i have my follow up with them this coming tuesday. i also have an appointment to meet with a therapist (finally!)so i can try to get my mind and body back under control again. sure, this year has been 400X better than last year but im still no where near where i want to be. im so tired of it, its silly really. i sit my butt in there on the bathroom floor playing free cell and just waiting for my body to flip back to normal from a panic attack. i have no control over when i get one or when it goes away...all i can do is wait it out. im tired of it ruling my life. the psychiatrist that i have been seeing (she does not do therapy) is leaving her residency and i am having to start fresh with a new psychiatrist so i thought it was time to find someone to help me figure this thing out. well, i guess ill attach a few photos to this and end it here. i really thought i had more to say...