sorry it has been so long….things are chaotic here. everything has changed and it seems we are having trouble catching up. seems like just yesterday Caleb was born but in reality its been almost 4 months. wow….time flies with 2 children. hes a pretty good baby but likes to be held more than Jordan did…its nice to have the cuddles but it leaves less time for myself. no ppd this time and hardly any anxiety. having Caleb was a healing experience for me. i suppose i could tell my story, people havent really asked. i had been in prodomal labor for a week and was 3cm dilated 75% effaced and he was at 0 station (not that it means anything to you) and we really thought i would go any time but we just waited and waited. i woke up that day feeling like today was going to be the day so we went to walmart to see if i could walk my way into labor. i started having regular contractions but they wouldnt get closer than like 10 mins apart. finally that night in desperation i asked the midwife if there was anything i could do and she suggested using the pump. well, it worked. right after that i went right into active labor and just laid on the floor groaning. we called the midwife and josh started filling the pool. the pain started to get too intense and i needed relief of hot water so i got in our bathtub while waiting for him to finish filling the pool…..i never got out. shortly after the midwife got there and called in another midwife. as they were setting up i went into transition and alerted them. Caleb's heartbeat kept dropping so we had to get me in a really uncomfortable position when i started pushing. my body really just did it itself…i had no control over what i was doing. my water broke just before he crowned and it was much easier to push him out. he had his cord wrapped around his arm which was causing his heart rate issues. he didnt really cry and didnt really want to breathe even with oxygen so we cut the cord and he was taken to have the mask put on. he started making an effort once he was separated and had no choice but to breathe on his own. everything else came out fine and the bleeding was slow and normal. it was such a relief not to have to worry about myself for once. Caleb rooted and wanted to nurse right away and i was happy to oblige! a few hours of sleep and i was a new woman. i was up walking around and feeling good within 24 hours. Jordan was at Kathy's and stayed there for a few days (except to meet his brother). nursing was difficult and we held on (while supplementing) for about 15 weeks. he was breast milk only for a while but wasnt gaining weight. he weaned himself off of breast milk at 15 weeks and started sleeping through the night. i love my boys more than anything. i had my iud placed in about 3 weeks ago and it has all gone well!